I don’t like labels but I’ll have to resort to them here: the note worthy thing about this blog is that I’m a MAP eg minor attracted person. Yikes, I know. That doesn’t mean I want to marry a kid or anything but since I was 12 I’ve been attracted to cuter, more youthful girls. I’m not a sex offender, never done anything fucked up but I feel like labeling myself #NOMAP is virtue signaling. You only look more suspicious to “antis” when you display that you’re no contact/non-offending. Oh gee you haven’t done anything bad/illegal here have a snickers. Yes, I’m bitter.

My “aoa” or age of attraction is around 10-15 but I’ve dated a few women. My first girlfriend was my middleschool crush but I dated her when we were both adults. My attraction to her then shaped my attraction to her when she was grown up. Ultimately the relationship ended up as a toxic mess but I learned a lot about myself from it.

I’m a very anti-social person and it should come as no surprise that all my friends are online folks. I’m diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, bipolar type 2, borderline personality disorder and social anxiety. All these together form a nice cocktail of being a mess of a person. Yes, I go to therapy and every time I think I’ve made progress I realize I haven’t. My personality has cost me a lot of friendships and only made life harder, I don’t understand why so many people proudly display their illnesses on social media. That sounds hypocritical as hell but what I mean is how you’ll go on twitter and see profiles tagged with (BIPOLAR) etc. I never got a free pass in my life for ever telling people “Hey, I’m bipolar/borderline!”.

Despite all the above about me being a MAP I don’t consider it the defining thing about me. I’m pretty imaginative and have always been drawn to escapist fantasy, sci-fi horror, video games, anime blah blah. The purpose of my blog is to talk about those things just as much as the MAP shit. Oh yeah, I’m also in tulpa stuff but its really just a way to help me cope with being lonely. That will be something I go more into with future posts. With all these MAP communities and hashtags now I still feel awfully lonely and alienated. I just want to express myself, talk about things I like and make the best of my existence. I have a great circle of friends who started out as MAP acquaintances years ago but now, as cheesy as it sounds, they are like my online family. Real family kinda tolerates me since I’m a dead end at this point in my life but I do provide an SSI check to help pay rent. I don’t hate my family or anything besides my sister and a few relatives but its mutual.

The MAP community is split up right now between what I call the “old” people (VOA, GC) and the new #nomap movement which is just a tumblr flavored rebranding of VIRPED (Virtous Pedophiles..barf). When I say old I don’t really mean old since there are lots of millenials (including me) but compared to most of #nomap we’re quite old. Sorry if it sounds like I’m gate keeping or being elitist, maybe I am a bit but that’s because I feel a degree of animosity from the #nomaps. I’ve been blocked already by several on twitter even though I never debate or indulge in what I call “political shit” aside from basic questions.

And yes, I’m Mordor from VOA and that guy who was with the one podcast called the Juice Box. Ancient history by now and I’ve changed a lot since then but I had a great time working with all my friends and while I do regret some of the stuff I said its mostly a positive memory for me.

Also, be warned that this blog can get very vulgar. I don’t talk about illegal stuff but I do talk about sex, masturbation etc. Sometimes I’ll talk about fast food, drugs etc. Maybe this is what offended a lot of #nomaps who are more straight edge. Who knows?

Only a few people will read my stuff but that’s cool. That’s all I have to say for now.